The story is stupid, made for fun, and there is no reason to
take it in any serious manner.
Worth mentioning- Some parts of it uses the online story
"Hayashvanim" by Tsach that was published at the forum
"anime-IL" which no longer exists.
I hope you'll enjoy this stupid plot.
Neo Poker City is the
biggest city in Renpuar. It is known mainly for the games that many people come
in their masses to play. Go, Poker, Shogi, Chess, and even UNO. The founder of
the city, Kaiji Withim was an addicted gambler; the thing you'll call a
"whale". He gambled everything; his car, his wife even though he
didn't have a wife, and a legend says he even gambled on his nose. But as soon
the years went by, Withim saw how games become boring. People stopped gambling,
and risking everything. So he came up with an idea- what if all those games
will be played on the high road, on a motorcycle??!
Looks like some were
thinking that Withim's idea was great for some bizarre reason and started
paving high roads, full with sparkles so they could play Go on the roads. In
instant, the motor industry over doubled itself only by three years. But some
wanted to ride in the old fashioned way- horses, camels, and the super hipsters
that wanted to ride on their cute bear. Do you want to ride on a bear while
playing Shogi?! Well, I don't. On a crocodile on the other hand … well now I'm
into it! Nowadays risking your life in New Poker meant everything. Crushing
into a mountain is the new trend. In Neo Poker, two people in general die every
day from those games. Now you see why Renpuar needs terrible towns like
Aiwanai???!
Ace Satla sat to
relax at his favorite café', along with his wife, Hamly. They married after Ace
promised her that if he'll win the Riding Remmikub match against his rival and
friend, Yossi Fade, he'll marry her. Ace actually lost the match, but married
her anyway because fuck with stupid promises.
"Ace, you should
stop drink that coffee, it has 50 percent alcohol in it. What if you'll crash
into a tree?" said Hamly worriedly.
Coffee with alcohol…
what… the… fuck…
"The Blind Eyes
coffee is the best, Hamly, don't worry. I'll be fine"
"It costs too
much money you know. 3000 gold coins are too much. And after that you always
pay as a tip 2500 gold coins. You should think about our future… "
"Ace has a lot
of money, don't make fun of him you bitch!" said a voiced that came to the
café'.
"Raven! What's
up bro?" said Ace. "How is it going with work?"
"I had to arrest
three terrible guys… One of them was going to shoot live porn on the street,
the other used to abuse weak children, and the other one was a pedophile…
"
"Sounds rough…"
said Hamly.
"Will you shut
up?! I wasn't talking to you!" shouted Raven. "Well, I have to go
back to work". Raven said and went back to his car, started driving.
"Hamly… I'm
sorry" said Ace. "Raven is not a bad guy. He is just not good with
girls…"
"If you say so…
By the way, the match you have tomorrow is against someone called Boomer"
"It doesn't
matter who is my opponent! I'll beat them and win the prize to our
future!"
"I'll wait for
you, no, we'll wait for you!"
"We-we? Does it
mean…? Hamly! I'm so happy! I can't lose now!"
Raven, Kaisa, Nathan
and Zubi entered the police station. With their first step all the other bowed
for Raven and said with fear in their eyes "Raven- Senpai!"
"Looks like you
are quite popular, master" said Zubi.
"Heh, they don't
have much choice. After all, despite not formally, I'm actually the chairman of
the police in Renpuar" answered Raven.
"How you were
able do to it? That's amazing!" Kaisa got excited.
"We'll talk
about in the office." Raven then talked to the other cops "Useless
Kohai, meet Kaisa, Nathan, and Zubi. From now on they will be your Senpai. If
you ever try to do something bad to them, I'll have to take you to THAT
ROOM"
"No please! Only
not THAT ROOM!" the cops got in fear.
"What?!"
Zubi got shocked "You only had to sleep with the previous chairman of the
police?"
"But how is that
related to the fact that now you are the boss now?" asked Kaisa. "And
why did he resign from him job?"
"He didn't
resign" answered Raven. "He died from a disease one month later. He
was so drunk in our sex that I was able to make him sign on a will that if
he'll die then I'll be the new chairman."
"HAHAHAHA! You
are a genius master!" the three started laughing.
"Now, we need to
find some candidates to our political party" said Nathan.
"If I recall
correctly, there are 80 ministers in the general, so we need to pass with at
least 41 mandates to win, right?" said Zubi.
"Yes, but we are
not going to get only 41, we go for all the 80" answered Nathan.
"Alright, but
who will they be?" asked Zubi.
"That's where I
come to the play" said Kaisa and clicked his fingers. In a few seconds 120
doctors and nurses entered the police station.
"Lord Raven!
We'll serve you! After we lost our jobs in the hospital in Switzerland we were
treated as trash, junk, and dirt! We'll be happy to help you fix this rotten
world! You are our god!"
"OH MY GOD! You'll
really do it?! Thank you so much! I love you all, boys!" said Raven gently.
"Lord Raven
Banzai! Banzai!" roared the crowd.
Stav Fade was a
doctor. She and her husband, Yossi Fade which was a scientist worked together
to find a perfect vaccine to one of the worst viruses the humanity ever known.
And no, it is not the stupidity of Renpuar's government. Aids- HIV. Because
someone many years ago was thinking it is good idea to bang with a gorilla, and
then to fuck every other person he knew. But no matter how Stav and Yossi
tried, they were never able to figure that out. Despite being actual doctor,
unlike you know, someone like Kaisa…
"Yossi, you
worked hard enough today. I'll take over it now" said Stav.
"No Stav. You go
home. I can't let my beautiful wi- arghhhhh" Yossi fell from his chair and
started to cry from deep pain.
Stav wasn't surprised.
This thing happened before to Yossi. But the two never figured out what was the
source for it. She dragged Yossi to their car, put him in the back seat, kissed
him gently, and let him sleep while driving home so he could rest.
Later on that day, it
was the time for the match between Ace Satla and Boomer. The game for that day
was… Abalone! What? You don't know what Abalone is? It is a brilliant game. Try
it out, it is fun!
"The Slave is One!
And That's ME!" Ace shouted is opening line in every match he had. Looks
like Boomer wasn't impressed at all.
"Ace, I have an
idea. What if instead marbles we'll play with bombs?!"
"I see! You are
Boomer! So bombs. Got it! That's fine!"
At this point
everyone in crowd were thinking that Ace is just suicidal, and that's when they
didn't know he drunk 20 glasses of that coffee.
As the match started
everyone knew that, here I give you a spoiler, Ace is going to die. Those games
were like Rome's colosseum- You knew that someone will die, but didn't know
how. Most of the match was going to Ace's side. He play a brilliant moves as if
Hon'ibou Shusaku was playing Abalone instead of Go. Everyone was surprised that
Ace may actually win. But then…
"Take my
finishing move!" shouted Ace "Haaa!!!! Wha- Wait! Why can't I
see?!"
What did you expect?
You drunk 20 glasses of the "Blind Eyes Coffee"- It should be obvious…
It is in the name of the brand…
Unable to see the road
or anything at all, Ace fell from the road 20 meters at speed of 120 Kilometers
per hour, and don't forget the bombs you sucker! It should be obvious that he
is dead now.
At the other part of
the city one blonde 17 years old boy was punched and kicked by a gang of
homophobes. "Take that you gay! You don't deserve to live!"
Who is that poor gay?
I meant guy. Fuck it both of them works for the context. Wait for the next
chapter!
