This
is story is stupid, made for fun, and there is no reason to take it in any
serious manner.
This is the sequel story to "Homo Sama no
Daibouken".
As World War One has ended many
soldiers had to build their life right from the ground up. Tom Mayson was one
of them, a British soldier who fought in the war. He lost many friends in the
battle against the Germans and their allies, but survived. He knew that no
matter what, no matter how many friends he has lost, he must have the will to
live! That's the first priority he must have! For the future of his wife, his
children, he must have that will. He decided to set at west Australia, at
Campion district. Along with his wife, Emily and his two children he took the
sail. Having nothing left aside from his beloved ones, he decided to become a
farmer. Many other did as well. His neighbors were even some enemies he tried
to kill. But they decided to make a truce, for the future.
…. Or until the time for next World
War come… Fuck You Hitler!!! Stalin Fuck You too by the way!!!
Campion was a suitable place for
farmers. But not everything was perfect. Due to some assholes that decided to
ruin the whole eco-system with the invasive species of fucking rabbit, a giant
wall that to be build. I know, it is crazy! right?! Those Europeans called the
rabbits "invasive species" but I'd argue they are themselves are the
ones! These assholes killed my Tasmanian tiger! UNFORGIVABLE!!! Those rabbits
destroyed every harvest that the poor farmers tried to eat, thus the wall had
to be built. The wall did its job pretty well, but nothing prepared those
farmers to the worst enemy they had, the schnitzel!
"Dasler, your dish is pretty
good!" said Emily. "It so simple to make yet it is so tasty!"
"Thanks! I'll make another bunch
of these tomorrow" said Dasler.
"To think that we tried to kill
each other only a few years ago, yet now we feed each other with that dish, how
did you call, "Schnazt" for something?" asked Mayson.
"Schnitzel" said Dasler
while he saw his friend's kids finished everything on their plate. "If you
are hungry I make a few more"
"No need" said Emily.
"They ate enough for today."
The kids looked at weird bird that
passed nearby them. It was tall and big; it couldn't fly, but looked innocent.
"Dad, look, what a weird bird!!!!"
"Oh that's an ostrich" said
Emily "So bizarre, I heard they only live in Africa…"
"Wrong! Emily, that bird is
called emu" said Dasler.
The emu went closer and closer, the
kids started to fear from the bird that didn't look so innocent anymore.
"No need to worry" an older
asshole invasive human farmer tried to calm them down. "Those animals
should leave very soon as I've heard."
…. Those schnitzels never left. The
farm land revealed their fatal flaw; they were perfect places to the emu to
stay. The emu broke the fences, ate their crops, and even worse, the wall
against the shitty rabbits was ruined as well. Mayson and his friends could no
longer suffer the bullshit of those shawarma. They decided to call for help
from Brittany.
"Commander Baker, so you are
already leaving for Australia?" asked a soldier.
"No choice, I have to do it!
Only I, Cid D. Baker can solve this!"
"You know that there are Germans
that want your help, are you okay with helping them?!"
"Listen, sometimes you have live
with it. Those Germans that were my enemies in the past, needs my help
now." Baker didn't care about it actually. He just wanted to kill a bit.
Baker was one of the lead commanders at World War 1. Thanks to his unique
innovation of unique bullets the war ended sooner than he thought. The Germans
and their allies lost hope as soon as they realized their enemies armed with
those weapons.
"Commander Baker! You are so
great! I wish to learn from you when you'll return!" he took out something
from his bag. "Don't forget your lunch!"
"A hot dog with a milk… you
really know my tastes, aren't you?" said Baker and went.
As Baker arrived he saw his worst
nightmare; Men living with their wives with happiness and smiles on their
faces. Oh then there is the emu issue… yeah about that… "Did you seriously
call me here to kill some chickens?!!! Are you fucking idiots?!"
"You don't understand Commander
Baker! Those emu are fucking insane!"
"Commoner, what are you holding
in your hand?" asked Baker.
"Hm? It is my lunch. Is there
something wrong with it?"
"And what is your lunch made
of?"
"It is a chicken breast."
"Exactly! The emu is a chicken,
the hen is a chicken! So it is a bit bigger so what?!!!" Baker took his
gun and shot at a one meter sized emu, and killed it. "See? Just shoot it
and that's fine. You idiots you really called me here all this way to kill a
fowl."
"Commander, I don't mean to be
rude, but those are their teenagers, not adult ones…" said another.
"…. Fuck!!!!!! Really?!!! How
big the adult ones?!!!!"
"Almost 180 centimeters…"
"Shit! It is way bigger than my
dick! No choice then, I'm going to train you and make men out of you, and then
make those emu into fine shawarma!"
"One thousand push-ups! Don't be
lazy!" ordered Baker to his soldiers. "If you can't do it in five
minutes there is no way to succeed in this mission!"
"I can't!!! There is no way I
can do this, Commander Baker!!!" complained one.
"No choice then! Here is a tip!
Imagine that you fuck someone you love!" hinted Baker. "Think about
it! Fucking from behind is almost the same as having push-ups!". The men
were full of energy, but for some it still didn't help. Then suddenly, Baker
noticed something and shot one man. The men were shocked.
"Why did you kill him?!!!"
one of them said with fear for his life. "Commander Baker!!!"
"You pieces of shit are trying
to fool me?! You imagined that you fuck women!!!" raged Homo Sama on them.
"Listen, I'll kill anyone under my belt who tries to think about having
sex with women on our training!"
"Having sex with men?! Are you
insane?! Commander!!!"
"No choice then! I'll show how
it is done!" Homo Sama took off his pants.
"Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!"
cried the victim from the pain of having a very big "thing" inside of
him who was Homo's toy for today.
As they were done with the training
for around a week, it was to hunt some chickens and put them on the grill!
During that week the emu destroyed everything. They even went into cannibalism
and ate some schnitzels…
Homo took a ride on his personal
helicopter, and ordered his soldiers to shoot at the emus. "Shoot!!!! Aim
for the heads!!!!" he ordered.
The first emu took the blow; it was
distracted a bit, but then galloped toward the soldier who shot at it.
"What?!!! I can be sure that I aimed for the head! I know I hit him!!!!!
Take that!!!!" he shot a bunch of 5 shots to the head; that will kill that
stupid bird!!!! Yet it wasn't effective at all. Even six bullets weren't
enough. The emu didn't care.
"Commander Baker! Roland just
died in action!" reported a soldier to him through his walkie talkie.
"What are going to do?"
"You useless shit! Everything I
need to do myself!". Homo took very big gun.
"Commander?! Are you crazy?! You
can't use this gun on a helicopter! It will completely destroy my aircraft due
to the shock wave!" warned him the pilot who didn't want to die.
"Shut up!!!!" Homo aimed
with the RPG at the chickens. "Die Mother Fuckers!!!!"
"Noooooooo!!!!!" cried the
pilot. "We are going to die!!!!". The helicopter crashed into the
earth and the pilot was killed right away. A massive screen of smoke burst from
the bomb blow. After two minutes the result appeared after the smoke screen was
gun.
"Damn!!! Those chickens are
still alive!!! Fuck it!!!" Homo revealed that he was alive after getting
out from the aircraft's ruins. "Soldiers!!! Retreat!!! We need new
plan!!!"
"So after our first battle, we
lost" Homo talked to his soldiers. "But do not worry! I have a plan
B!"
"So what's the plan?! What
should we do?!" asked one of the soldiers.
"The emu is an endemic species
to Australia, right?! Which means it never saw any animals which their habitat
doesn't contain Australia, right?!"
"Wait, you are… no… don't do
it!!!! It will totally break the whole eco-system!!!!"
"Too late!!! I already ordered
1,000 tigers!!! As the emu doesn't know that the tiger is its enemy, they will
be killed right away!!! I'm so genius Hahahaha!!!!!"
As they released the tigers to have a
feast on the emu they took a step behind and watched at the happening.
"Fuck! That wasn't the plan…." Said Homo. The tigers ignored the emus
and hunted the sheep and the cattle of the farmers. They were much easier food.
"What's the plan,
Commander?!!!" asked a soldier.
"There is no plan!" shouted
Homo. "Just shoot at every chicken you can! Kill those shawarmas!!!"
"Stop! Stop!!!!!" said a
man who came in. "What are you doing?!!! Are you trying to make the rare
and endemic species to Australia go extinct?!"
"Who are you?!" shouted
Homo Sama.
"My name doesn't matter! But stop
your cruelty to those animals! Now I've decided! I'll establish an organization
to support the animals in world! I'll call it PETA or something. It will mean 'Please
Eat Tomatoes and not Animals'" said the man.
"Shut the fuck up!!!" Homo
shot the man and killed him. PETA will not rise now at 1932, but 50 years later
at 1980.
"Commander! You have a
call!" said a soldier and brought him the communication device.
"Baker!!!! What the hell are you
doing?!!!! Return right away to home!"
"But the Prime Minister, I'm
still working at our mission! I'll kill those chickens, I swear!"
"Your mission is being canceled!
You killed so many innocent people, destroyed the whole eco-system, you are
fired!!!!!"
Homo sat at his house, annoyed by the
fact that he, Cid D. Baker lost! He won the World War 1 but not the emu?!
Unacceptable! "Like the hell I'll lose to a fucking schnitzel!!!!!"
"My Prime Minister! I can't find
Baker anywhere!!!" called a soldier. "And your personal aircraft is
gone!"
"What?!!! Do you mean that Baker
took it?!"
"Is there something wrong with
it?!"
"That weapon is the worst weapon
could ever be! We were still testing it on secret! We still haven't even
decided for a name, but its code name is "nuclear bomb"!"
"The women of Australia!!!"
called Homo Sama from his aircraft "You have an hour to run away as far as
you can!!!! I'm now going to shoot a barrage of bombs! Don't worry; I'll save
you from those evil schnitzels! Remember my name, Cid D. Baker, I'll save
you!!! The men, you are not allowed to run away!!! Any man that will cause me
to kill a woman because he is an egoist will die by hands personally!!!"
"Wow, Baker is such a
gentleman!!!" screamed a woman out of joy. "Baker!!! I'll make for
sure that my surname will be changed to Baker as well!!!"
The bombing was so powerful, so unbelievable
at its raw strength, that even people from Japan could see it. A giant smoke
screen hid the sun for five days all over the continent. After that, Homo
checked his victory. "Yes!!! I finally did it! I destroyed those
chickens!!!! Remember my name! Cid D. Ba-" an emu galloped and pierced its
head.
